Curve Ball

It's funny the way life works. You expect one thing to happen and the complete opposite does. You counsel yourself and alter your entire way of thinking in order to just be okay for a while after a sudden life change, involving your entire routine being thrown out of whack. You get the support of family and friends. Gather them together and surround yourself with them. You tell them how you feel, your version of the story, and get them all on your side. Prepare yourself to live out the rest of your life alone. But, just as soon as you begin to feel that you've come to terms with it, and that you'll just have to be okay, life throws a curve ball at you. The very thing you thought you'd lost forever, comes back into your life. You are suddenly hurled into a position where you have to make a crucial decision. Listen to your mind or to your heart? Depending on what you choose, you'll then purposefully unlearn everything that you recently have, and undo all of the progress you have made in healing. The scariest part is the prospect that someday, it may all fall apart again. And then what? You'll be right back to square one, and will have to go through the same pain and heartache and feeling of emptiness all over again. You'll be forced start the same arduous process of healing again. Why torture yourself by allowing history to repeat itself time and time again? Wouldn't it be better just to go through all of that only once? I'm not so sure. The thing is, it's too hard to let go of the hope that starting over again just this once more, will be the last, and that nothing will go wrong this time. You tell yourself every time it happens that things will be different this time, in a good way, and that it will flawlessly last forever. And maybe it will, but who is to say? The hardest issue to deal with, after reinitiating that which was seemingly lost forever, is that now, all of your friends and family are on your side, and are wholeheartedly against the second party, even though you have now changed your mind. How can you tell them that everything they've said, all the advice they gave you, was for nothing; that you didn't listen to them at all, and that you purposefully went against all that they insisted upon? It makes you not only look like a fool to the people you love and value most in life, but it makes you seem cruel as well; as though they are not important to you. You may even end up breaking their hearts. They feel that they know what is best for you, and they won't let you forget all that you said when you were angry and needed a shoulder to cry on. It's hard to tell them that you're doing something that they feel is a destructive behavior, when they have your best interests at heart. Maybe in a case like this, it is best to leave them in the dark until long after the initial shock of the bad news fades. And if they end up being right after all, and it all does eventually fall apart again, then at least you didn't take them along with you on the roller coaster ride, and have in turn, spared them some of your pain. Healing is a delicate process which may be interrupted for better or for worse, but all we can do is look to the sky and pray that life will surprise us pleasantly with an unexpected turn. I feel like the people we really care about deserve chances; as many as we can possibly stand to hand out. And even though we may be setting ourselves up for epic heartache with every one we give, I feel that the possibility for success is worth it. Life is hard; we live and learn, or in some cases, unlearn. Do what feels intuitively right.